Lost Revamped
by junkpuppetj
Summary: This is a re-vamped version of my Vampire Academy story "Lost". Takes place after Dimitri tells Rose that love fades. Contains spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

Title: LOST (Re-vamped)

Rating: R to NC17

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or any characters within this story. I am not making any money from the writing of this story. Contains spoilers for the Vampire Academy Series, explicit language and sexual situations. Read at your own discretion.

A/N: This is a re-vamped version of the story LOST. I have a good idea of where I'm taking Dimitri and Rose so keep an eye out for part two! Enjoy! Thanks for all the awesome reviews! You guys are great! Also, sorry I don't get to update as often as I like - I have limited free time. Thanks again!

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Dimitri stared at me with a look that made my blood run cold. Like I was something strange and bad. "Rose, please stop. Please stay away." He was working hard to stay calm but unfortunately I didn't have that same control. I shot up - angry and frustrated - I had a feeling that if I stayed, we'd both snap. In an undertone I whispered, "This isn't over. I won't give up on you."

I turned my back to Dimitri so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes, "I've given up on you," he said back, no emotion in his words. "Love fades, Rose. Mine has."

That was the last thing he'd said to me at the chapel. Everything after that was a blur - legs pounding as I ran as far and as hard as I possibly could, lungs burning once I burst into my room at court - eyes stinging with wind and tears. It was to much - his words cut through me like a knife and I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore as my legs gave out from exhaustion.

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"Rose?"

My eyes opened slowly - heavy with dried tears. Lissa was standing over me - the warmth of spirit flooding our bond as she looked at me with sympathy and concern. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, sitting beside me on the large bed before wrapping her arms around my shoulders and holding me against her chest. Obviously she'd heard of mine and Dimitri's conversation at the chapel but I'd thought she'd be angry instead of concerned. She didn't like it when I upset Dimitri but for the record that wasn't my intention. No one understood how much Dimitri meant to me - he was my other half, and I just wanted him to be okay. Another sob escaped me and I hid my face in her shoulder. I didn't like being this girl - broken and weak but my heart felt like a boulder in my chest and it wasn't getting any better.

"I understand that Dimitri is confused and hurting because of his time as a Striogi but now it's like he's deliberately trying to hurt you. You don't deserve this, Rose. You never deserved any of this." I felt Lissa's own tears begin to fall, running down my bare shoulder as she tightened her arms around me. Through our bond I could tell Lissa's sorrow ran deeper then Dimitri's recent actions towards me - refusing to speak to me, treating me like I was the source of his pain. Something else had happened after I left the chapel - pushing through her grief the answer was loud and clear.

Lissa knew she couldn't hide anything from me but she was trying - her thoughts were dark, full of shadows as she tried to block them out but I got traces of her most recent conversation with Christian - and the news that Dimitri had met up with Tasha after the sermon and offered his guardianship to her. Even after recent events in Dimitri's life - denying her first offer, becoming Strigoi, killing countless innocents and then returning to his dhampir state, of course she still wanted him (in every aspect of the phrase) and he accepted the offer.

Dimitri was leaving Court to become Tasha Ozera's guardian and possible baby daddy.

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Something inside me broke - whether it be my heart or my better judgement - the only thing I knew was the boulder in my chest had burst and I felt alive. Lissa sat up and looked at me - fear spreading across her beautiful face as I pushed myself from the bed and turned towards the door with inhuman speed. "Rose!" I heard her calling for me but there were no words to give her - I didn't have time. I knew she'd never be able to catch me and I didn't know how much time I had before Dimitri was gone, again.

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I'd heard after his interrogation with the guards The Queen had moved Dimitri from his holding cell and kindly given him a room at one of the hotel's at the edge of Court until he figured out his next move. Only a handful of people thought he was a threat to the Moroi race so his guard had dropped significantly. To my surprise Mikhail was the only guard in the lobby of the small hotel - standing outside a door I assumed was Dimitri's. "Rose? What's up?" I jogged towards him - scanning the surroundings. "Where's the others? The guards?" Mikhail shrugged. "They were called to the queen's chambers and since that interrogation Dimitri doesn't need as many of us around anymore. It's just me."

Lucky me. "Is Dimitri in there?" I pointed to the room. Mikhail hesitated, "He said no visitor's. I'm sorry." I shoved past him but his speed matched my own and he stopped me before I could get to the door. "He doesn't want to see you, Rose. You can't..." I didn't have time for this. "If anyone would understand it's you, Mikhail! Please..." I shoved past him again with no luck. "Dimitri is leaving in the morning with Tasha Ozera. He's going to be her personal guard. It's over."

I stared at Mikhail in disbelief - it wasn't news to me but it still hurt and I guess that showed on my face because his grip on my arm loosened. "I'm sorr-." With all my strength I lashed out - punching him hard in the face, sending him flying backwards into the wall. The next few seconds were a blur as Dimitri opened his door and I burst inside - shoving him back in his surprised state before turning the lock.

"Rose? What the hell? What are you doing here?"

His words were filled with rage. I didn't care anymore. "You can't do this to me, Dimitri! You can't give Tasha what she wants. You love me!" There was no control anymore - what little I had crumbled at the sight of Dimitri. "This is ridiculous. You need to realize that it's over, Rose! I don't love you - I don't want to be with you!" Dimitri was shouting now - closing the space between us.

It reminded me of our time in Russia - he was dangerous again, his control had finally snapped. Before I could stop myself I pounced on him - throwing all my weight into him as he fell back onto the bed, shoving against me - grabbing my arms, trying his best to fight me off without attacking me with his full strength. Our hips met as I straddled him - holding his arms down above his head. "I fucking hate you."

In a flash he flipped me on my back - moving his face inches from mine. "If you hate me..." He leaned down so our faces were inches away, "...then why the fuck are you here?" He whispered, his sweet breath at my lips. This wasn't exactly how I'd expected our converstation to go. Our eyes searched one another's for a long moment - his dark hues matched my own filled with grief and pain. He couldn't fool me. I shoved him with all my strength and watched as his back hit the wall before I leapt forward. "I did everything I could for you! I went to fucking Russia to find you and then I - not Lissa or anyone else, I fucking saved you Dimitri! What do you want from me?"

"I want you to leave me the fuck alone!"

His words dripped with hate - his eyes narrowed, he wasn't joking. "I never asked you to be my savior. Did you ever think for a second about anyone but yourself? Did you think about how I would be if you turned me back into a dhampir? The pain I would be burdened with for the rest of my life because of my actions? You should have killed me!"

I stared at Dimitri in disbelief. He blamed me for everything - at least everything that had happened after he was turned. Maybe even because he'd been turned - if we'd never been together maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he wouldn't have been distracted when the attack on the school happened. Maybe everything was my fault. I turned to leave - to run away like I had been for the past year. It had been his first lesson. Run. To my surprise he didn't let me go as easily as before.

Dimitri grabbed my arm hard, digging his fingers into the flesh to turn me around. "This is what you want, Rose. You wanted me to talk to you - to open up, right?" He wasn't yelling anymore but his tone was much worse - mocking, angry - hateful. I swallowed hard - promising myself that I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "Because of you - because you couldn't let me go - I'm haunted."

Before I could stop myself I slapped Dimitri hard across the face - causing his head to snap to the side. "I wish you were still Strigoi! You were better without a soul!" When he turned back to me my hand print was across his tan cheek and his eyes were primal. I don't think he'll be holding back anymore. He lunged towards me and grabbed both my wrists - spinning me around like a rag doll and slamming me into the wall behind us. The air escaped my lungs when I hit - my last breath a gasp as his fist came towards me - slamming into the wall inches from my face.

Dimitri's arm went through the wall - causing our chests to meet, his other hand around my throat, holding my body against the wall. We were gasping for air - staring at each other, waiting for the next move. To my surprise he removed the hand at my neck, sliding his fingers down my collar bone and stopping just above my breast. Slowly the air was returning to my lungs, my chest rising and falling against his as we watched each other. By the look on his face I didn't know if he was going to snap my neck or kiss me. Either would have been a blessing at this point in my life.

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"Krasivaya, Roza." ("Beautiful, Rose.") He whispered against my lips, kissing me with every bit of aggression and passion he held. Dimitri pulled his fist from the wall - finding my waist to lift me up so I could wrap my legs around him. Between kissing he would whisper apologies to me, becoming surprisingly aroused at the fighting, and the kissing and the regret in his words. "I don't blame you," his lips found my jaw, "..none of this is your fault," he continued, moving down to my neck. His eyes found mine again after a few minutes. "It's to hard to see you..., to love you..., after everything that happened." He didn't give me much room to reply but that was probably a good thing - more than likely I would just ruin the moment.

All I could do was moan my response as he leaned into me. There was no coming back. Dimitri had lost the battle. I put my weight into him - luckily he was off guard enough to stumble backwards into the bed, groaning as I advanced on top of him. His hands slid up and down my back - holding me against him as we kissed; he couldn't deny me anymore - especially when I sat up and removed my top in one quick movement. He watched me quietly - studying every move as I began to unbutton his shirt and move it off his shoulders. He didn't stop me when my fingers found the button to his jeans and then the zipper. Dimitri was holding his breath while he watched me - I had waited for this moment ever since we'd left the cabin. It felt like a lifetime ago. Just as I began to unzip his jeans his hands found mine, "Roza."

Our eyes locked and my hands began to tremble. "Are you sure this is what you want? After everything that's happened?" Dimitri sat up - now face to face with me - my hands trapped between us. He'd never looked more amazing to me and I was almost afraid that I'd somehow ruin this perfect moment so I said the only thing I knew when it came to Dimitri.

"All I want is to be with you."

He took my words in - never letting his eyes fall from my own before he kissed me - softer then before - pulling me down to him. He was far more skillful then me - removing the rest of our clothes faster then I could have imagined. Without hesitating he was inside of me and we were back in the cabin at The Academy and we were in love and everything was perfect in the world. For now.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: The story's not over yet - thanks for all the great reviews! I'll upload more asap!

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As I rolled over in Dimitri's large bed my hand autautomatically searched for him - eye's opening in a panic when I felt nothing. "Dimitri?" It was dark now and my body was sore in a delightful way that comes with six hours of continuous love making. We had really made up for the several months we'd been apart and it had been wonderful. Amazing. Earth shattering? My words were failing me at the moment. I pushed myself from the bed and looked around. The alarm clock assured it was nearly one in the morning and the mind numbing silence assured me that Dimitri wasn't there.

"Comrade?"

I was definitely alone in the small hotel room. Gathering what little dignity I had left I searched for my clothes, pulled them on and left Dimitri's room quickly. Mikhail was long gone in the hall and part of me was very thankful. The other part felt bad for having to punch him earlier. I would have to find him and apologize soon. Right now I had to get a shower and find Dimitri. Sometimes it felt like my whole life was now devoted to finding Dimitri. A little sigh escaped my throat. Surely he hadn't ran off with Tasha Ozera after being with me in every physical way possible for the last few hours? Surely he wouldn't do that to me.

I wasn't so sure anymore.

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"Rose? Is everything alright?"

Lissa knocked on the bathroom door as I was brushing my hair. I cracked the door and peered out at her. "I'm fine." I lied, trying to push the thoughts of Dimitri's disappearing act out of my mind. My stomach was knotted with worry. I guess it wasn't so easy to fool her. She gave me one of her usual looks - wide jade eyes, knowing I was bullshitting her.

"Where have you been?"

"Out."

"With who? Dimitri?"

I didn't answer her and returned to my reflection. There was several faint bruises on my neck and arms from our heated argument earlier and I didn't want Lissa to see those. She would panic and blow things out of proportion - she wouldn't understand. I'm a dhampir - I could take it. Plus, I didn't blame Dimitri for the pain he'd caused me earlier - he'd made up for it several times over with mind numbing pleasure. For a little while it felt like things were going to be okay between us and go back to normal - we'd be happy and be together but then he was gone. Again.

"I was with him... but when I woke up he was gone." I whispered to my friend, trying to control my emotions. I wasn't going to panic - surely everything was just a big misunderstanding. He probably went to get us breakfast then I woke up and overreacted. He was probably on his way over here right now to find me. "Dimitri was supposed to meet Tasha this morning but Christian says he never showed. Tasha is devastated."

Yeah, she wasn't the only one.

"Oh," I finally met Lissa's eyes and couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Dimitri was gone.

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Two hours prior.

Dimitri's POV

She would never understand that every time I look at her, really see her - I can only think of the six months I was consumed with her death. I wanted to rip her to pieces, burn her from the inside out - make her Strigoi. Part of me knew it wasn't me, the real Dimitri - but that didn't matter. It was my actions. What I'd done to her in Russia was unforgivable. Unthinkable.

A sigh escaped me as I pushed myself from the bed, holding my head in my hands as I worked through these fresh batch of memories. I loved Rose. More then I would ever love anything in or out of this world but I couldn't be with her. I couldn't be with Tasha either because I didn't love her - she was nothing to me, nothing more than a childhood friend. She deserved someone who would always protect her and be with her out of love and devotion rather then someone who was just trying to run from his problems.

I pulled my shirt on silently and turned to look at Rose, so peaceful in sleep. It was unreal how much life she had inside her - ready to take on the world. Ready to do anything it took to protect her friends. To protect me. I owed her so much but I couldn't - I couldn't stand to be with her. "I'm sorry," I whispered against her temple before pushing myself from the bed.

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Rose's POV

Weeks turned into months and Dimitri was gone. Vanished into nothing. I knew he wouldn't be in Russia - he would be as far away from me as possible - somewhere I'd never look. The thought of him freezing in Antarctica caused a pain in my heart. I spent my days going through the motions - training with Christian, Lissa and the small army or Moroi they'd gathered to learn to fight against Striogi. It was like before we saved Dimitri from his fate. I pretended that nothing was wrong but inside I knew there was no hope. He was never coming back. I didn't have anymore chances to be with him and it was killing me inside.

"Rose - you're lacking seriously today." Christian assured, always trying to get a cheap shot in - as he smacked my hand away in my febel attempt to attack. I spun around quickly - trying to impress the others with a quick guardian move but to my surprise my footing failed me and I stumbled to the ground. "Rose!" I heard Lissa cry but Christian got to me first. I looked up at him with heavy lids, barely feeling his warm arms go around me.

"Rose? Rose!"

Lissa finally made it to us and my existence was flood with spirit - warmth and purity like Heavens light coursed through my body. "What's wrong with her Christian? This isn't helping!" The panic in my best friends voice was worrisome but for the life of me I couldn't budge and was slipping further into the darkness. "We should take her to the medic, Liss." Was the last I heard Christian say before my body went limp in his arms.

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I opened my eyes slowly - adjusting to the harsh lights of the hospital room. It wasn't something I was used to - seeing as Lissa usually cured anything that ailed me. Turning my head I noticed all the machines, cords and tubes running to me. Not good. I felt Lissa's presence and that comforted me a little. At least she was by my side.

"Rose?"

Lissa was sitting in the corner with Christian but once she noticed me move she was on her feet and beside me. "Rose! Thank goodness - how are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure."

"Christian, will you go get one of the nurses?" He nodded quickly and was gone from the room. "Did they say what was going on?" I asked, turning away from her worried face. "No. They wouldn't tell us anything." She assured, turning to the door when as someone came through. Lissa gave my hand a tight squeeze before moving over to give the nurse more room. "Good morning, Ms. Hathaway. How are you feeling?"

"Strange. Tired. Worried."

All three truthful answers.

"Well you gave your friends an awful scare." My eyes found Christians, who was standing at the door way with a somber look on his face. "Mr. Ozera, Ms. Dragomir. Would you mind to give Rose and I a few minutes alone?" Lissa nodded sadly and moved towards Christian. "Wait. Can Lissa stay? She's my best friend. There's nothing you can tell me that she won't find out about." The nurse gave us both a long look before agreeing. Apparently she'd heard of mine and Lissa's shadow-kissed abilities. "Very well, Mr. Ozera." Christian gave me one last pained look and took his leave.

After a minute I pushed myself into a sitting position on the bed and looked from the nurse to Lissa. The worry I felt earlier was overwhelming me now. "Give it to me quick, nurse. Am I dying? Only days to live? If that's the case I want to go to Disney World."

The nurse gave a chuckle but Lissa didn't find anything funny. She was waiting for the verdict. "Well, Ms. Hathaway. The reason you passed out earlier is because of low blood sugar levels. When we got you into the ER and did a blood sample your level was at 46. A normal blood glucose level is anywhere between 80 and 120." I nodded, glancing over at Lissa. "Your friend here assured us that you've never had hypoglycemia problems before so we did further blood tests and the results have came back that you, Ms. Hathaway are expecting."

The worry and pain that swam in my gut plumited - almost taking my breath away. "Expecting what?" I asked, looking from Lissa to the nurse quickly. "A child, Rose. Our tests have confirmed you are around two months pregnant." After a moment of pure, unintrupted silence I heard a loud thud from behind the nurse and Princess Vasilissa Dragomir was lying faint on the ground.

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After the nurse went to Lissa's aid and made sure she was alright she left us to ourselves and our thoughts - lightly mentioning my "options" as if I had any. Lissa's eyes were wide, jade green emeralds - staring at my stomach as if something were to burst from it and kill us all. It was possible. I was pregnant with Dimitri's child - anything was possible.

The silence was getting to me but I just couldn't bring myself to speak - what could I say? I'm sorry I'm pregnant? I hope this doesn't ruin everything? What did I really have going for me anyway? Dimitri was long gone - no hope in finding him to let him know of this recent turn of events. Lissa would be going to college in just a few weeks and me becoming a guardian to anyone was a slim to none chance.

I had nothing.

Nothing but this little thing inside of me that I wouldn't abandon. It wasn't this baby's fault that I fell in love with my older, turned Striogi turned dhampir unable to love anything mentor. As the realization finally hit and I began to understand just what was happening I felt everything shift inside my chest and the love I felt for Dimitri now belonged to this little miracle we'd created together.

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TBC..


	3. Chapter 3

Four years later.

Standing in line at the cash register at a local Toys R Us was probably at the bottom of my list of favorite things to do. It was my own fault though - last minute Christmas shopper, as if I didn't have more important things going on in my life. Protecting my best friend, her fiancee and my son from evil, blood thirsty Striogi - no big deal.

I sighed a little - noticing the line was going nowhere fast and decided to slip into Lissa's head for just a minute. I wasn't worried about a Striogi attack - we lived in one of the more elite apartment complex's located just outside of LeHigh that was mostly for the few royals that went to the college. It was protected by thick wards, not to mention Lissa and Christian could pretty much take care of themselves in the event of an attack. During the past few years they had continued their training and to my surprise were both pretty bad ass with the fighting and Christian's fire use.

They would never be a match for me, of course, and that put a little smile on my lips.

Slipping into Lissa's head I saw the usual - she was looking down at a stack of papers, homework I would guess and out of the corner of her eye I saw the handsomest man I've ever seen in my life. My four year old son - Alex. He was laying quietly on her large bed with a coloring book and crayons, being good! How come when I was home he was running around the 4 bedroom apartment screaming at the top of his lungs! Typical. My eyes narrowed at the thought of Lissa compelling him to be good while she worked but I couldn't help but laugh - I didn't blame her if that was the case. I knew how rowdy that little boy could be.

After finding out I was pregnant - the next seven months went by in a blur. Lissa had pretty much taken charge and protected me from life during those trialing times. She had marched right to the Queen's chambers and demanded that I become her guardian and that I would get full pay and benefits starting then. She went on to demand that I would join her at LeHigh where we would live together in this amazing apartment complex that was like a city within a city.

To both our surprises The Queen had agreed - stating that I was the best guardian to protect the last Dragomir. After that we settled into college life - Alex was born happy and healthy and we took care of him together, even with the help of Christian sometimes. He didn't do well with the diaper changes - they'd usually fall off within minutes. To the outside world no one was 100% sure who Alex belonged to - me and a random Moroi, Lissa and Christian, me and Christian. It didn't matter to us - we knew the truth and we knew that we loved that little boy more than anything.

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A knock at the apartment door caused me to regain focus on the here and now - watching through Lissa's eyes as she stood up and told Alex she'd be right back. She hadn't been expecting any visitor's but thought that it was me - forgetting my key again. Christian was gone to an evening class so it wouldn't have been him. Lissa looked through the peep hole but it was hard for me to see who it was - I could only make out a tall figure standing on the other side of the door.

I didn't feel any nervousness coming from Lissa, just a little shock and awe as she opened the door and stood face to face with none other then Dimitri Belikov. The air seemed to vanish from my lungs and the inhuman gasp I let out startled the other people waiting in line. I tore myself away from Lissa's mind and stared at my audience - looking from face to face in a panic. I never thought this day would come - that Dimitri would come back into our lives and possibly ruin everything. Surely he knew nothing of Alex - and it didn't matter, I would fight to the death for that kid and I would win. Without much thought I abandoned my hour of Christmas shopping and took off towards the exit at full speed.

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Lissa's POV

After looking through the tiny peep hole a gasp escaped me. Dimitri was standing outside in the rain looking anxious - wide eyed as I opened the door and stared at him in disbelief. "Dimitri? What are you doing here?" It was the question that burned inside of me. Alex was, hopefully, still in the back room coloring but I almost knew better. He was as alert as his mother - always knowing when something was going on. He was going to be the perfect guardian one day. The spawn of Dimitri Belikov and Rosemarie Hathaway. "Vasilissa." Dimitri's voice was soft, timid as he stared at me - trying not to look over my shoulder because he knew that Rose couldn't be far behind. To both our surprises little Alex Hathaway came barreling down the long hall - little fists balled up and ready for anything.

"Halt! Who goes there?" He demanded in his tiny voice. "I am guardian in charge of Princess Dragomir and I will protect her with everything inside the house!" I couldn't help but giggle at his serious little face as he came to stand between me and Dimitri. "I will protect you aunt Lissa..." Alex assured quietly - now somewhat intimidated at Dimitri's size. "Aunt Lissa?" Dimitri asked suddenly, meeting my eyes again. He knew that I had no living family left so there was no way this little boy could be my nephew and there was only one person in the world that I considered a sister... "Dimitri, what can I help you with?"

His brain seemed to be going over board - looking from me to Alex over and over, unable to find the connection. Alex's dark brown hair and large almost black eyes stared up at him in wonder. Having them stand so close together - there was no mistaking who this child belonged to.

"Why are you here?" Another voice demanded from behind me - causing me and Alex to spin around and look at Rose, who'd apparently came through the back door. "Mommy!" Alex declared, pushing past me and going to his mother - who never let her eyes fall from Dimitri's. Her body was tense and ready to spring at any moment. If you thought she was a bad ass guardian for Moroi you had no idea what she was capable of when it came to her son. Dimitri seemed to notice this as well and took a step back from the door. He seemed to be at a loss for words - mesmorized by her beauty no doubt. Possibly even a little shocked that her once long brown hair was now cut off in a cute pixie cut close to her head. She never told me the reason for cutting her beautiful hair but for some reason I didn't need one. I knew how fond Dimitri was of her soft locks and I didn't press the issue.

"Mommy? Who is that?" Alex asked quietly - looking from Dimitri to her. She looked down at her son and forced a pained smile. "An old friend, Alex. Why don't you go back into aunt Lissa's room and finish up that picture for me?" Alex's eye's went wide with wonder. "Mom! How did you know!"

"I told you I know everything you do everywhere you are."

Alex narrowed his eyes and then burst into giggles. "Eyes in the back of your head, right." With that he gave one last glance to Dimitri and returned to Lissa's room. Once he was gone I watched nervously as Rose closed the space between her and Dimitri - stopping only briefly to look at me and assure through our bond that everything would be alright. Dimitri took another step back as Rose passed through the door and closed it behind her. For Dimitri's sake I hope she was right.

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Rose's POV

"Dimitri, it's been four years." I started - staring at him in wonder. He hadn't changed at all in that time - still long and lean and drop dead gorgeous. That didn't matter anymore. Alex was the only thing that matters in my life enough to die for and I would die before Dimitri took him away from me. "Rose, I'm so sor.." I lifted my hand to stop him. I didn't want an apology for what he'd done all those years ago. He'd abandoned me - after loving me unconditionally. "You left without even saying goodbye." I whispered, unable to meet his eyes. "I know things were terrible for you - after everything that happened I know you were hurting inside but you could have at least said goodbye."

Before I could stop him Dimitri put his hands on my shoulders, causing my eyes to find his. "You have no idea what was going on inside my head, Rose. I was afraid that I would hurt you - afraid that I wasn't strong enough to beat the thoughts I kept having. It wasn't safe to be around you."

"...but, now... you are?" I asked, angry at the hope in my words. I had trained myself to forget about Dimitri and to put all of my energy into raising our son but with him standing here in front of me exactly the same as the last time I'd seen him it was to much to fight the feelings I still had for him. Dimitri was staring down at me the same way he had so many times before - searching my eyes for any sign that there was still a chance for us. I wouldn't break that easily. Four years had hardened my heart. "I found the Moroi that Robert Dashkov brought back from Striogi. She helped me accept my life and forgive myself for the things that I did..." He was whispering now. I tried to ignore the jealousy pain that filled my chest. "I had to go find someone who had went through the same situation as myself, Rose. She helped me see past the evil things I did. I feel like my old self now. I'm ready to be with you if you'll have me."

Those words caused me to tense and move away from him. "You can't just expect me to drop everything and open my heart back up to you, Dimitri. No matter how hard I try there's no denying that I love you and that I will always love you but I can't keep putting myself on the front lines for that love. I have other responsibilities now."

That made his mind go back to little Alex he'd met earlier in the house. I watched as his vulnerable eyes mixed in with confusion - the same look he'd given Lissa when Alex emerged into the room. A part of him knew that Alex was his son - but his logic made him question the possibility. Two dhampir's were unable to create life. Dhampir's were rooted in death, killing Striogi - protecting Moroi. After a long moment he shook the thought from his head - logic winning. I watched him swallow his jealousy at the thought of me being with someone else, obviously a random Moroi who didn't stick around afterwards. His hands fell from my shoulders and he backed away. Obviously defeated.

"I understand." He finally whispered, "It's hard living without you, Rose. I need you in my life." The rain was still coming down - soaking us both and to see him standing there in his leather duster - chin length hair dripping. It was hard to let him go. Every part of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and keep him there forever but I had to think of Alex now. I couldn't get tangled up in Dimitri as if nothing had happened between us now that Alex was here. He was my charge now. He meant everything.

"I'm staying at Court, renting one of the apartments until something better comes along." It seemed he meant until I came along but I had no assuring words for him. I could only stare - burning his face into my memory incase this really was the last time I'd see him. "Maybe..." I finally said, taking another step closer to him. "...maybe give me sometime to think."

Dimitri nodded sadly, leaning down and placing his warm lips against my cheek. "Don't make me wait forever, Rose. It's torture." He whispered against my ear, giving me one last long look before walking off into the darkness. More then anything I wanted to run after him but my better judgement sent me back into the house without a word, giving Lissa - who was still standing at the door in shock - a long, wet hug before pushing myself through the apartment to my son. He looked up from his coloring book quickly and smiled - filling my aching heart with warmth and love.

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TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks everyone for the awesome reviews! They really make my day. I thought I would mention that Adrian has completely vanished from VA in my story. I really love him as a character but in my head he isn't for Rose. Dimitri is the only person for Rose and since this is their story Adrian doesn't have a place here. I thought it was weird to just completely write him out of this fanfic but I don't have a place for him here. Keep reviewing! Enjoy!

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One whole week went by and I didn't go to Dimitri. I managed to put him in the back of my mind and only think of him late at night when I was all alone. I couldn't fool Lissa though - she could look into my eyes and see the pain that had returned in the dark hues.

"Christmas is only a few days away, Rose." She began one evening when it was just me and her in the room. Christan and Alex were in the living room watching TV while she and I made dinner. "Yeah? I know. I've got Alex everything I can possibly afford." The look in her jade green eyes told me she wasn't talking about Alex and his many gifts. "Perhaps you could invite Dimitri over for Christmas dinner. You know he doesn't talk to anyone at Court. People act differently towards him since... everything."

"No," I growled. "I don't want him in our lives, Lissa. How could you even think that?"

"Please, Rose. You can say that all you want to Christian but I know you. I know what's in your heart and I don't blame you. I think it would be good for you and Alex to have him around sometimes. Even just as friends."

"We can't just be friends." I assured. It was impossible to be around Dimitri and just "be friends" with him. "Well you should try. It's the right thing to do, Rose. No one should be alone on Christmas." I grumbled something about no one should be abandoned after saving someone elses life either but luckily Lissa couldn't make that out - or she ignored it one. I had to be the bigger person and invite Dimitri to Christmas dinner but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"What about Alex? What if he keeps asking questions about Dimitri. When he see's us together he's going to know that we aren't just old friends. He's smart, Lis. He'll figure it out." She nodded gently, giving me a pained smile. That was a touchy subject indeed. "Just invite him over for dinner for now. Then go from there. Maybe the time will come when you can tell Dimitri the truth. Maybe everything will work itself out."

I stared at her for a long time before nodding in agreement. No need to rush anything - one day at a time, and Alex did deserve to have his father in his life - even if he didn't know that Dimitri was that person. I stood up quickly from my stool and gave Lissa a tight, appreciative hug. "That's a lot of maybes, Lis." I assured as she smiled and continued cooking.

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The next morning Lissa and Christian were at class and it was just me and Alex. I was Lissa's personal guardian but she sad several that attended college with her during the day as protection. I was protection after school and during personal hours. So I had the whole day with Alex... and nothing to do.

Christmas was indeed only two days away and I kept going back to mine and Lissa's conversation about Dimitri. Picturing him alone at Court - people staring at him, or completely ignoring him while he ate dinner in one of the cafes broke my heart. He deserved to be with people that loved him - even if he didn't deserve to be loved right now. I sighed, causing Alex to look up at me from the TV.

"What's wrong, mommy?"

Forcing a smile I ran my fingers through his dark hair. "Just thinking about stuff, kid." I assured quietly, trying to push back my grief over Dimitri. I didn't want to burden a 4 year old with grown up problems but Alex was wise beyond his years. "Are you thinking about your old friend?" He continued, innocently enough. It surprised me that he remembered Dimitri - they had only been around each other a few minutes. I wondered if Dimitri was thinking about Alex.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about him a lot. He's going to be all alone for Christmas - would you like to go visit him and invite him to our house for Christmas?"

Alex gave me a wary look before nodding. "Yeah! Let's go see him!" He assured, standing quickly and running for his coat. Just like that we bundled up and on our way to the apartment complex at Court where Dimitri said he was staying. My stomach was knotted with worry as we made our way - unsure of what to say to him or if he would even accept the offer. It was possible that I'd waited to long and there was no chance. I took Alex's hand and walked with him up the steps to Dimitri's door, raising my hand to knock and swallowing the nervousness in my throat.

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Dimitri came to the door quickly - the surprise on his face turning to wonder as our eyes met. Apparently, he hadn't been expecting me - ever.

"Roza," He whispered - relief flooding his features as if everything was right in the world again and I had finally came around. My eyes fell from his to Alex, who was standing beside me quietly. Dimitri followed my gaze and his look of wonder changed to a look of pure amazement. "Please," he started, clearing the emotion from his voice. "Please, come inside?" I nodded slightly and gave Alex a little push to get him going.

Dimitri's apartment was tiny - a small living area, even smaller kitchenette and what I assumed was, -gulp-, a bed/bath conbination in the back. He ushered us into the livingroom where I sat on the couch with Alex on my lap. Dimitri took a chair across from us. "What do I owe the pleasure?" He finally asked, unable to take his eyes off Alex.

"Guardian Belyvich."

"Belikov," I corrected quietly. "Belyvich." Alex stated without a beat causing Dimitri to smile one of those genuine smiles that lit up the world. "We come here to invite you to Christmas dinner." Alex continued, "...and mommy's been thinking about you too."

I felt my cheeks warm with color - meeting Dimitri's amused eyes again. A four year old would rat you out anytime - no need to be surprised. "Well, I think both of those things would be wonderful." He assured, "...and you can call me Dimitri."

"Guardian Dimitri."

That caused another smile. I could definitely get used to this.

"My name is Alex. Aunt Lissa says I'm going to be the perfect guardian one day because of mommy and daddy." My carefree mood went tense and Dimitri noticed that tension in my shoulders as I pulled Alex closer to my chest. "You're already a perfect guardian - I saw how you protected Vasilissa the other night. Putting yourself between me and her." Alex smiled ear to ear. "Mommy taught me that."

Dimitri looked up at me slowly and I was thankful that he didn't push the daddy thing with Alex around. One day we would talk about it - I could tell from the look on his face, but right now wasn't a good time. It was almost obvious that Alex had no clue who his father was either. Another thing he had in common with Dimitri.

"I most certainly did not teach you that. Your job is to be four - not take on the world, little man." Alex giggled at the thought. "I knew aunt Lissa wasn't in troubles mom! Dimitri is a nice guy."

Our eyes met again and I smiled. "Yes, he is."

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The next few days were hard - Alex talked non-stop about Dimitri while I tried to keep him out of my mind. He had accepted our invitation gratefully and I was glad he'd be there - the thought of him having a decent meal was nice. The thought of him having a decent meal at the same table as me - not so much. Yes I wanted him there - I wanted him in every way possible but I wasn't eighteen anymore and I had to keep my guard up. No matter how hard I wanted to fall back in love with Dimitri.

The door bell rang through our apartment and my shoulders went tense - causing Lissa to look up at me. She could feel the nervousness flow through our bond. "Rose? Are you okay?" She stood up and came to me quickly, placing her hands on my shoulders. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Fine time to ask me now. Dimitri was standing at the front door! "Yes," I lied - pushing her away to go greet our company. I opened the door and forced a smile at Dimitri, he seemed to notice me too but I hadn't over done it for this evening. Simple jeans and a cream cashmere sweater Lissa had given me last year. I had a four year old to take care of now - no time for gowns and high heals. "Rose, you look beautiful." Dimitri assured, handing over a small wrapped present with Alex's name written on the ribbon. "Thanks," I whispered - looking up at him slowly. "You look amazing as ever." He just smiled and came into the house.

"You shouldn't have brought anything. I don't have anything to give you in return."

"Well, it's not for you - it's for Alex, and just getting to see you is enough for me."

Just then Lissa, Christian and Alex came into the living room and greeted Dimitri. "Great to see you, Belikov." Christian assured, putting his arm around Lissa who gave a nervous wave. Alex pushed past both of them and ran up to Dimitri - holding one of his drawings tight in his fist. "Happy Christmas Guardian Belyvich!" He stated happily, handing Dimitri the paper. "Alex! It's Merry Christmas and his last name is Belikov!" Lissa scolded but Dimitri and Alex just laughed. "Aw come on Aunt Lissa - he knows what I meaned."

"Yeah, I know what you meaned." Dimitri assured, kneeling down by Alex to look at the picture together. He had drawn two taller people and a smaller person - explaining that it was me, Dimitri and him - fighting Strogi of course. "This is a great picture, Alex."

Alex grinned and looked up at me. I couldn't help but smile. "Good job, kid." I handed him the present Dimitri had brought and his eyes lit up. "Cool! Can I open it now?" Dimitri look up at me for approval and I nodded, watching Alex rip the perfect wrapping to tiny shreds. "Awesome!" He yelled, shaking the toy in excitement. "Thanks Guar-, Dimitri!" To everyone surprise Alex wrapped his tiny arms around Dimitri's neck and hugged him tight before running off to his bedroom to play with the new action figure. "Call me when it's time to eat!" He yelled through the apartment.

Dimitri stood slowly and shook his head in a laugh, "There's no denying that boy, huh? He's exactly like you - grab life by the horns and take charge." I smiled watching him fold Alex's picture up neatly and place it in his pocket. "He's a great kid." Was all I could say.

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Dinner went by and to my surprise it was nice. We all talked, laughed and caught up on the last four years, well - Lissa, Christian and Dimitri caught up. I tried my best to stay out of the conversation. The past four years had been to hard to relive in one night. Alex ate his body weight in ham and green beans until he was nearly falling asleep at the table - so I excused myself and carried him off into his room to put him to bed.

"Momma," He murmured - mostly in his sleep. "Yes, baby?"

"Can Guardian Dimitri come back soon I really," He yawned. "...like him."

"We'll see, Alex. You get some sleep now - you got all those toys to play with tomorrow." He closed his eyes and smiled at the thought before drifting off into a deep sleep. I covered him with the blanket, kissed his forehead and turned to leave the room - silently jumping when I noticed Dimitri standing in the hall.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He whispered as I ushered him down the hall before Alex woke up again. He had no idea how hard it was to get that kid to sleep sometimes. A pain filled my heart. Of course he didn't know - he hadn't been around.

"I just wanted to thank you for tonight before I left."

The pain in my heart found my eyes and a single tear fell down my cheek. "What's wrong?" He asked softly, wiping the tear away with his thumb. "What did I say? I don't want to upset you, Rose." I shook my head - using all my strength to hold back the flood of tears that was threatening to fall. I had fought this heartache for two-weeks but it seemed I was coming to my breaking point.

"I'm glad your here, Dimitri. Tonight was wonderful - being with you, the way you treat Alex. It's wonderful." A sob escaped me and before I could react his arms were around me. In my head I heard Lissa's sweet voice, asking if everything was okay and I assured her it was before taking Dimitri's hand and leading him down the hall to my room. I felt a nervous break down coming and I didn't want it to happen in the middle of the hall and definitely not around Alex. I closed the door silently and Dimitri hugged me again. There was nothing sexual about him tonight - he was simply concerned.

"Roza," He tightened his arms around me - whispering close to my ear. "I never would had left if I knew about Alex. I would have been stronger for you and been there for him." He assured softly. "I would have been like a father to him."

I pulled away from his embrace slowly - tears falling down my cheeks. "Dimitri, you are his father." I watched as his eyes went wide - the wheels in his brain working overtime to process this.

"That's not possible, Rose."

"I don't know how to explain it but it's true. You're the only person I've ever been with, Dimitri and Alex is a mini version of you."

The look in his eye's haunted me. Grief, disbelief, anger, pain - hope, longing, wonder and even a spark of happiness. He didn't say anything for a long time and I feared his logic would win again and would never accept Alex as his son.

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TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Enjoy chap 5 - hope it doesn't disappoint, not very long. Today's my first day off in a while and with the Holiday's coming up I've got so much that needs to be done! Thanks for the great reviews and stay tuned! Happy Thanksgiving!

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Dimitri's silence cut through the room like a double bladed knife. Actually, it felt like he cut through my very soul. I staggered back and took a seat on my bed, putting my head in my hands. Why couldn't he have just stayed away? Things were going great without him.

"Roza."

I didn't bother looking up. I couldn't bare to look at him. Alex was an exact mini Dimitri, full brown hair - deep, thoughtful brown eyes. They had the same controlled, determined personality. "Why don't you just go." I heard myself say in the weak voice I hadn't used in almost four years. I was still looking at the floor - wiping the tears as they came. I had promised myself long ago I wouldn't shed anymore tears for Dimitri Belikov but I was a pro at breaking promises to myself. After a minute I saw two feet then Dimitri fell to his knee's before me. He took my face in his hands and to my surprise kissed the tears from my cheeks.

"Roza, if anyone in this world believes in miracles it's me." He whispered, running his thumb against my cheek. Our eyes were locked - gazing into one anothers. Lost. "It goes against everything we've ever been told about dhampir's but I believe you. You brought me back from death, Rose. Anything's possible."

Before I could stop myself, as if I really wanted to, I leaned forward and placed my cool lips against Dimitri's. It only lasted a second but that one, innocent kiss seemed to wake me up inside. The secret pain and resentment that I'd been holding in for so long seemed to dissolve at his lips and for the first time since he returned I smiled, a genuine Rose smile that could light up the room. "I promise Alex is yours. It's only been you, Dimitri - it will always be you."

He was still on his knee's in front of me and the emotions in the room seemed to be getting to us both. His fingers slid back into my hair as he brought me forward for another kiss - much longer then the first. His tongue brushed against my lips, causing a tiny groan between us as Dimitri pushed me back on the bed and climbed to his feet. I was breathing hard - trying to stay in control but the way he was looking down at me - brown eyes wide, taking in everything. He was my biggest weakness and somewhere in the back of my mind I figured he knew that - Dimitri knew I couldn't deny him.

He laid down beside me on the bed and we kissed again, slower this time while he ran his hands down my side, clutching my hips to pull me closer. "Rose," his voice cracked with emotion - eye's still wide as they finally met mine. I pulled away from him slightly - just enough to whisper, "I'm ready." Our lips touched as I spoke and that seemed to be all the encouragement he needed. In one quick movement he was on top of me, pulling my shirt over my head. Once my head popped out of the shirt his gaze seemed to change and he was looking at me in wonder.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, placing a hand on his chest. I found his heart and smiled at the steady thud. Dimitri placed his hand over mine. "I don't deserve you, Roza." He assured before leaning down to place his lips on mine again. "Thank you for not giving up on me," Was the last I heard him whisper against my lips before we were lost in each other once again.

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TBC


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Another short chap, guys. Sorry. I deleted the last section of Chap 5 (after Rose and Dimitri do the deed) and re-re-vamped it to this. I promise longer chapters are on the way. I feel bad leaving everyone hanging like I sometimes do. Thanks for the awesome reviews - keep 'em coming! Last Sacrifice comes out tomorrow! I can't waaaaaait to see how Rose and Dimitri's story ends! 3 Enjoy!

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I felt a smile spread across my lips as the first hints of morning sun slipped through the blinds. I was perfectly content. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this way. Completely free. There was only two other times I could think of and they had both been with Dimitri...

"Dimitri?"

All peace forgotten I jerked from the bed - twisting further into the sheets, gasping for air. I finally sat up and searched the room - yelping when our eyes met. I'd be lying if I said a part of me knew he'd be here, hell - most of me knew he'd be long gone but I was wrong. Dimitri was sitting beside me in the bed, his eyes full of concern as my breathing finally steadied. "Dimitri," I said quietly, smiling when his perfect lips met mine. "Good morning, Roza."

"Mmm," Another kiss. "Morning, comrade." Another.

An innocent good morning kiss had turned into a full blown make out session and we were already naked. It wouldn't take much more to continue last nights activities well into mid-day but eventually reality crept into my head and I put my hand against Dimitri's chest, allowing just enough space between us.

"Alex will be awake soon." I whispered, sighing as his mouth found my neck and continued down to my collar bone. "He might not understand why you're still here." It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done but I managed to push myself away from Dimitri and crawl out of the bed. If I didn't put some space between us we were doomed. The look on his face was torture enough. "I'm sorry."

Dimitri finally sighed after giving my full naked body one last look before he cleared his throat and turned away to gather his clothes. In a few minutes we were both in better control, or at least both fully clothed and I walked him to the front door. Luckily for us both Lissa and Christian were long gone to their morning classes while Alex slept soundly down the hall. "When am I going to see you again?" He asked suddenly, turning so we were inches apart. We hadn't quite made it out of the long hall and the space was slight. If he wanted, and I do thing he wanted very badly, he could have pinned me against the wall. "When do you want to see me again?"

In the time we'd known each other I had learned his annoying habit of answering a question with a question, which caused a sly smile on his lips. "I don't ever want to not see you, Roza." He assured quietly, leaning down to place his lips at my ear. "Come with me," He continued - touching his fingers to my waist. He pulled me in closer and I felt the air escape my lungs. "Get Alex and come with me, Roza..." His fingers brushed a strand of hair from my face as our eyes locked. "I'll take care of you, both of you."

His words took me back. He was offering me the one thing I wanted most in life. Ever since he'd left and I found out about Alex. I wanted us to be a family. "In a perfect world that would be wonderful, Dimitri... but Alex needs stability in his life. I can't jeopardize that."

A moment passed between us before he nodded in agreement. "One day everything will work out for us, Roza. I promise." We continued down the hall - stopping at the front door as Dimitri wrapped his arms around me in a long, amazing hug. To my embarassment when he pulled away I didn't - keeping him locked around me. We stayed that away for another few minutes - breathing each other in before he finally broke his hold around my waist.

"In a perfect world, Roza." He assured quietly before turning to the door and stepping out into the cold.

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TBC.


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